she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
