her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
