i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
