can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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