hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
