What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize