pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
