So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
