Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
