oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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