my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
