You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
