hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
