community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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