I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
