i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
