I just saw a hot homeless man
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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