I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
