I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
