literally had 100 drinks last night.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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