i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
