Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
