i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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