i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
