You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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