fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
