i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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