I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
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