Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
