dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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