I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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