I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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