You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
