She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm jealous of your bromance
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
