How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
