Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
