"it" just moved
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize