If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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