never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
