I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
God I need to hump something, right now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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