i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm bleeding and have questions
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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