If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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