today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
