halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
