bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
