I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize