I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
