he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
