im drinking this country out of the recession.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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