you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Less talking, more tequila
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
