All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
