What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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