I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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