Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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