I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
