when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
