Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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