You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
