you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
