I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
