i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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