And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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