just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
