Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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