She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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