Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
