drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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