do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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