I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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