yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
