Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
