So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
