im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Randomize
