I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
