Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize