I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
