Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Never underestimate the power of titties
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
