I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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