it wasn't lemon gatorade
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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