sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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