DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
