We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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