Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
