Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
