the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
