Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We had sex on a dog bed..
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
