Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize