I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just found puke in my bra..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
