Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
