I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
