So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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