Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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