Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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