I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
