God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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