i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I would fuck him just for his dog
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