So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
